“Stay In Your Head – You’re Dead”

“Stay In Your Head – You’re Dead”

Hey Beautifuls!
Lately, my partner and I have been watching a lot of Tony Robbins. You may have heard of him, he’s a life coach, business/relationship expert and all round awesome guy with a lot of knowledge to share.

Yesterday, I was watching some clips on YouTube and one thing (of many) that stood out for me was this message: Stay in your head – your dead – now I know he doesn’t mean this literally but there is some truth to this.

Staying in our head is like a room for our fears and insecurities to put on plays for us. They make up scripts, stories and scenarios for us to watch and feast on and it can detach us from reality around us and create more anxiety and more fears of things that don’t exist. Even more so, it can focus in and highlight the negative parts of our partners or people that are close to us and completely wipe out the positives. We all have a dark side and a light side, and staying in your head at a time when you are vulnerable and going through conflicts/problems can highlight only the dark side in the person or people you are conflicting with and that puts you in a position of attack and react – rather then openness and willingness to understand.

Staying in your head means you aren’t present. You may be in the company of your partner, work colleagues or friends but you really aren’t there; you’re there with a cloud over your mind. You may be watching replays of past experiences that were painful or shameful and I tend to believe that the more we let our mind replay them, over time the replay can change and shifts from what the reality actually was (for some experiences). When we stay in our head watching replays, it affects our present in how we behave, feel and see things.

It can sometimes distort our perceptions of people we love because we assign a replay of our past to their existence even when they weren’t part it.

Staying in your head can stop you from growing and changing. Right now as you are,  you have strength, confidence and love to bring to yourself and others. You CAN GROW. You CAN CHANGE. What can stop us in our tracks is staying in our head. When we do this and don’t come up for air, we give permission for our fears, doubts, insecurities and pain to rewrite the bad stories, replay the scene over and over and when we come back to reality, we don’t believe in ourselves anymore. We say things like “I can’t do this, look at what I did! I’m a loser” “There’s not point, I tried quitting before and fucked up, I’m just not that person” “She/He’s too good for me, they can’t know my past” There starts to be a whole lot of no’s and cant’s which can stop you from giving love, receiving love and accepting the beautiful moments that appear. It stop you from bettering yourself because your head tells you, you can’t.

You can quit bad habits, you can achieve happiness and that person adores you – you deserve that love and he/she deserves love from you.

So this is my little rant on what I thought of when I heard that “stay in your head – your dead” quote.

Of course there is a need for reflection and analysis of yourself, situations and people to determine what is right for you, but don’t get comfortable in your head and allow the fear, pain and shame to be put on replay.

Stay present, stay mindful and stay open to love, challenges and to your relationships.

Please leave a comment if this speaks to you or if you have a perspective on this or an idea 🙂 I’d love to hear from you.

Wishing you guys the most sweetest Sunday ❤

Amy xx

The Olive Tree

“There Is No Such Thing As A Perfect Parent. So Just Be A Real One” Sue Atkins

“There Is No Such Thing As A Perfect Parent. So Just Be A Real One” Sue Atkins

Heya Parents!

Question: What do you guys think being a real parent means?

I personally think it’s about the people who show up, be present and really take ownership of and are committed to raising, supporting and showing unconditional love to that child. Also, a real parent is someone who struggles, who makes a mistake or who breaks down but get’s up and moves forward in love, strength and forgiveness.

Real parents are not squeaky clean or always having their shit together and have perfect homes with children who don’t kick and scream.

A perfect parent does not exist in this reality and we should stop striving to reach that perfectionism. Instead, we should stay present in our own family unit and try to be the best parent we can each day.

Don’t feel guilty if this week you can’t buy that toy your daughter’s been going on about all week. Don’t feel bad if, at the end of a long crazy day, you put your kids in front of the TV so you can have some time to yourself. Don’t get down on yourself if you can’t cook a home-made, natural, organic feast every night and some nights your kids might have Baked Beans on toast.

Be content in yourself that your daughter has all she needs and be positive that one day you will surprise her with that toy and she will love it!  Also, when you put that TV on, remind yourself that you deserve a moment’s peace while the kid’s zone out because you need it. You need to be okay with yourself so you can keep being an awesome parent and if that means having some chill time, then let it be. Lastly, Be bloody proud of yourself that you managed to be resourceful so that your children don’t have to go hungry because you got it sorted! 😀 And baked beans on toast isn’t going to kill them 😉

A real parent smiles, laughs, yells, cries and cheers. A real parent is someone that accepts that they don’t have all the answers but every day they are there, doing the best damn job as a parent that they can be.

Peace and Love

Amy

xx

Encouraging Positivity

Encouraging Positivity

This is a bit of rant so apologies if it sounds a bit all over the shop. It’s just something that I feel compelled to write about today.

Life can feel light as a feather or as heavy as a boulder. It can change in an instant or it can feel like a song on repeat. We can’t control how this game unfolds and our roles we play can vary and transform. There are a lot of things that are out of our control but we can always control how we think about them. Please don’t confuse this with how we feel about them; feelings are something that happens without logical thought, it’s an emotion and we can’t choose our emotions but we can choose how we think about a situation.

I often get told that I’m a positive person and I’m always happy. This is nice to hear and on one hand, it is true. I am generally a positive person but I’m not always happy, I just choose to show more of my happy self then my other emotions like stress, pain, discomfort or sadness. It’s not possible to always be happy, and if you are always happy, how can you tell if you never experienced pain? You need both to distinguish the light from the dark and to understand it.

I believe we should encourage each other to be positive, to choose positivity and instead of choosing to just be happy regardless of what is happening. The more we say to others “oh just choose happiness” “if you want to be happy, then just be” it can sound like those other emotions aren’t important or if you can’t choose to be happy right now, that there must be something wrong with you. It doesn’t validate that person who may be struggling with depression or who may have gone through trauma. We must be careful with how we say to others to just be happy when we don’t know what is happening in their world.

Choosing to be positive is about allowing yourself to feel sadness or pain and giving those emotions time to just be without it affecting your mind in a negative way which in turn could mean destructive behaviours and poor choices. You can feel sad, and use logical thinking to look at the situation and try your best to make the most out of it and see what you can learn from it. It’s about seeking out the good, the light in a situation or person. Choosing to be positive is allowing your heart to feel and your mind to help you decide on how to move forward or how to be present in a way that’s helpful to your mind, body and spirit.

We often confuse positivity with happiness. Happiness is an emotion that we are born with and positivity is a learned behaviour, a mindset that takes practice and mindfulness to achieve. Learning to think positively, can bring more happiness to your world but happiness can’t always bring positivity to your world. This is because happy feelings can come from things that are fleeting, one-offs or from destructive behaviours that can ultimately leave you feeling negative and will not create a positive state of mind.

So let’s encourage each other to practice positivity. To learn how to see the light in any dark scenario that the world can throw at us because ultimately, shit happens. So if we can practise positive thinking in that moment, we will be armed with the best possible tools for getting through it in a more enlightened way that our mind, body and spirit will be happy with long term 😀

Peace & Love

Amy

FB: The Olive Tree

Instagram: @theolivetree13

xx

What All Mums Have In Common

What All Mums Have In Common

Hey Guys!
I’ve been meeting a lot more mums lately as my little man is getting ready for school next year and it’s made me think about motherhood and what unites us together. It’s time we stop the ‘Mummy Wars’. We don’t need people judging our every move in how we parent, if anything, we need to connect, empathise and uplift.

Remember, every mum loses their shit, every mum has wiped a butt, dealt with tantrums, been sleep deprived and has been spewed on. No matter what you look like; if you’re having a scraggly puffy eyed kinda day or if you look like you danced out of an Instagram filter, there are some key commonalities that we can all agree on:

  1. We All Want Our Children To Be Healthy

No matter if you have private health insurance or not, or whether you choose alternative medicine or western medicine. The bottom line is that it all comes from our desire to keep our children healthy. The path may be paved differently but the goal is still the same.

  1. We All Want Our Children To Be Happy

No matter where you come from or how little you have or how much you have, seeing happiness flow through your child is magic and you’ll do whatever you can to prolong that happiness.

  1. We All Worry

We’ve all experienced the worry warts when it comes to our child’s health, safety and wellbeing. Sure it may be expressed in different areas, for example; some mums are happy to let their kids climb those high death traps you see in playgrounds while other mums freak out if their child climbs higher than they can reach. It doesn’t matter, it’s up to them but we can all agree that we all worry about our kids and being connected to other mums who can show empathy when the worries hit, can help a lot.

  1. We All Need Our Mum Time

Growing up with a single mum and in my time as a single mum, I know the need for mum time, for the alone time, for the breather. But I also get it from the other side of the fence. I’ve seen nuclear families who are very privileged and the mum is just as tired, just as worn out and has little time for herself. We all have our limit, we all need our mum time and we are all entitled to it and should not be judged for needing a breather. No amount of money or status makes you a robot immune to the stresses and pressures of raising a family.

  1. We All Need Support

All mums need support and that support comes in all different shapes and sizes. We all have our moments of insanity and our moments of helplessness. In my family, the women are the head of the family, the strong ones and the ones that keep it all together and that can be a lonely road if we don’t ask for support. It may seem that some mums have it all together but in reality, we all need support at times during our parenting journey.We all have our moments and having a connection with other mums that get it, can make a world of difference.

  1. We Don’t Want To Screw Up Our Kids

No mum out there had a child that came with a handbook. There is no cheat sheet, no private lab that rewires your brain allowing you to know how to parent the correct way. We are all trying to figure it out the best way we can with what we have at the time. No mum wants to screw her kids up and we all just want to give our kids the best life possible so they can grow up to be beautifully abled adults with a touch of dysfunctionality just to keep things interesting.

 I hope you enjoyed reading my list of commonalities. The last one that goes without saying but I’m going to say it anyway is that we all love our children ❤

Have a wonderful evening

Amy

Xx

 

Nurturing Relationships

Nurturing Relationships

Nurturing Relationships

In today’s society with the hustle and bustle, friends, mutual friends and followers, it can make us lose our way at times and if we’re not careful, it can dilute our relationships until they all become a blurred status on our screen as you scroll through your news-feed.

One of the most important things in my life is nurturing relationships in which there is a mutual agreement of love, loyalty and good intention for each other.  There is a beautiful connection that together, we are better people and enrich each others lives  🙂

So today I wanted to talk about finding those people and nurturing those relationships that speak to your vibe.

Find the people that enrich your life just as you enrich theirs and together make it a more positive and beautiful connection.

Here are some helpful tips that I want to share with you.

  1. Find The People That Compliment Your Values

There is beauty in social media in that it helps us expand our social groups and gives us a wide range of views, likes, dislikes and values. It opens our minds and can challenge our perspectives. It’s not a bad thing. However it’s still important to have a a few like minded souls that reflect your values back to you in the way they live and choices they make. It’s a gentle reminder to you and to them if either of you stray from your values. You have each others backs in that sense 🙂

  1. What Purpose Am I Serving Them and Vice Versa?

Reflect on your relationships and ask yourself, what purpose am I serving them and what purpose are they serving me? Relationships are not just about you or them, it is a connection between the two of you and how you can serve a more positive purpose to each other.

  1. Give And Take Ratio

It’s refreshing to have relationships in your tribe that have a fairly equal give and take ratio. You put in effort into the relationship as well as the other person. Reflect on those relationship with whom you invest a lot of your time, energy and love in and ask yourself, am I getting back what I put in? Do we have each other’s backs? Do the same for people who you find have invested their love and energy into you… are you giving back to them as much? Asking these questions help you understand your relationships, what is required of you and what is required of them to maintain a more positive and loving connection.

I really hope this helps people in their journey. We are meant to be in community, we are not designed to live alone. So reflect on your tribe and honour and nurture your relationships. Don’t let them become just another status.

Have A Happy Day!

Amy

xx