A Random Confusing Ramble

A Random Confusing Ramble

No matter how much we plan, hope or anticipate; life has a way of throwing a few curve balls and we just gotta go with it and be our best selves in the mix. This is easier said than done. I’ve had a hectic 2 weeks, it’s one of those times where you feel like you’ve just gone through years of storms when really it’s been 14 days. It’s one of those weeks where you just hold your head high, stay strong and go through the motions of each minute rather than each day. Sometimes we just have to take it moment by moment and that’s ok. My son was in hospital 1 week, then the next week my partner was too and that’s just a small piece of the cake… I won’t go into details because that’s not important right now.. right now I just need to write my randomness.

I know that this has affected my mental state, I’ve been wanting to write and draw but in even the slightest moment of time out – all I want to do is stay under the covers and watch Netflix.

But alas, I’m here, writing.

Th question is, what do I write about?

I guess I’ll start by what I’m thinking about. Right now, I have a whole day to myself and a gift card that was given to me by my aunty. I am in 2 minds about what to do, do I stay home, write, draw and be productive? or do I go out and get a haircut that I’ve been wanting to do for so long?

As a mum and partner/wife, we always put our kids first, what they need and what our partners need. When it comes to treating myself, I stop, I hesitate. Why the hell do I do this? I know I deserve it, I know I’m valued and I know it’s not a bad thing. So why do I sit at my desk thinking about if I should put it off or not?

It’s been a long time since I did anything like that for myself…  and I’m not talking about buying art supplies or a takeaway coffee. I mean sitting down and getting some TLC and beautifying. Lord knows I could use it haha.

I keep looking at the time. As someone with anxiety, time is important to me and I have a tendency of looking at time as if it’s running out instead of seeing how much time I have available. “It’s only 9:24 am and the day is just beginning”, most people would say.

I say OMG IT’S 9:25 NOW! I need to decide now and leave now before I run out of time, I’m not going to have time to do anything but if I leave like right now I will. 

I think I need to do 1 step at a time. Get dressed, find shoes, leave and go do my hair. It’s hard, but sometimes we need to give ourselves a kick up the butt and say GO AND DO THE NICE THING FOR YOU, THE WORLD WON’T BE IN CHAOS IF YOU DO AND YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT.

Wow, when I don’t have a topic in mind to write about, this comes out.. it actually feels good. Sometimes we have to get the stuff out of our head and onto paper, even if it makes no sense or even if it’s messy.

Jeez Louise, OK. I’m off.

Thank you for reading my completely weird, random, detached ramble. I do apologise if it was painful to read or confusing

Amy

xx

No Reason

No Reason

This is magic! Dancing words with a wonderful rhythm.

Gnarly Shanti

I write for no reason, a reason to write

Though writing is reason, not reason is right

Is writing to reason so brilliantly bright

If it’s ordered to please them?

A brightness of slight…

Lyrically twisting a meaning of mine

Is meaning resisting a twisting in time

To find a new line in this instance of time

Is twisted and misted for you to call mine.

To struggle for something to say is a silly succession of thoughts and that comes from the brain.

To be smart is not art and that comes from the heart:

This brightness is more like a game of empirical play with the literal frame that’s mundane and so horribly tame when not played in a way –

Satirical, lyrical, verging on fictional

Turning things on to their heads without visual stimulus, mirror us, words are the play

Reflection won’t mention what you had to…

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It Was A Stand-Off

Hey Guys,

Keeping in with this weeks theme of FOOD. I thought I would tell you one of the stand-off’s I had with my boy about eating his dinner.

It was a day or so after his birthday and when my mum had left, she had put the leftover cake and sweets in the bottom of the fridge in perfect view for my son. This was a big mistake. Later when I told my mum the story she laughed… I truly believe she did that on purpose.

So I had cooked a really yummy dinner, all fresh ingredients with lentils, herbs, small diced veggies (so he would eat it) and some sausages cut up for him. He had had this before so I wasn’t expecting any dramas. When he saw it he said NO and demanded to have his dessert first and also that his dinner was yucky and he didn’t want to eat it yada yada yada. Right then, I started to feel the rage. In my head I was yelling OMG Child! I cook you dinner, slave away at the stove making sure you are eating healthy and this is how you play it!”
On the outside I remained calm and said, “No eat your dinner first without complaining and then you can have a treat”.

Then he replied, “No i dont like it!” (seriously child, yes you do, you’ve had it before without a hiccup so yes you do) this went back and forthe way too many times and that’s when I realised I needed to a new tactic: silence.

So I turned off the TV and we sat in silence. Me sitting at the table with his dinner and him sitting at the floor in front of the frige staring ahead holding his ground and refusing to look at me. At that point I was clearly furious but also a little amused at seeing his stern look at the fridge as if hoping his stare would magically open the fridge and serve him a plate of cake. (I should mention that when I have confrontations with the little man, sometimes it makes me laugh and I have to try really hard to keep my composure otherwise it all unravels)

I swear it felt like this night went forever, I wasn’t going to back down and neither was he. I was looking at him trying to send him telepathic messages; Come on little dude, it’s just easier to eat the damn food!

Finally he caved, mumbling and sooking as he shuffled back to the table and started to eat. After the first bite he says “mmm yummy!” and that was the end of it; tantrum child changed back into a happy child.

I sat there feeling proud and triumphant that I didn’t cave to his sugary needs but also slightly crazed and annoyed that we had to go through all of this, for him to just eat the food and realise that it was actually tasty after all!

What challenges have you faced when trying to get your kids to eat their dinner? What things have worked for you or what things have failed?

Have a sweet day!

Amy

xx

10 Things Creative People Do Differently

10 Things Creative People Do Differently

Here are 10 things that I’ve noticed that us creative folks do different

  1. We question everything

We are constantly questioning and figuring out stuff. We are curious and that’s part of what drives us to create

  1. We see the world through the eyes of a child

We see the world around us as opportunities, wonder, what if’s and play. We have to grow up but we always keep that child inside us, alive.

  1. We get lost in the moment

When we are creating, when we are really in the moment; nothing else matters. We forget to sleep, eat, shower (gross I know). Everything else becomes obsolete and it’s just us and our work/

  1. We are daydreamers

Daydreaming isn’t a bad thing. I gives us time in the day for our imagination to play and the little characters in our head to come out and walk about.

  1. We have a love/hate relationship with our pieces

Some days we are in love with our creations and other times we hate them with a passion. The love/hate relationship drives us and pulls out ideas and colours.

  1. We stop, look and listen

We love people watching, sitting down listening to chatter, music and behaviours. We love to observe, finding the little details as those are the things that help our inspiration bloom

  1. We are easily distracted.

I am exactly like my father in the sense that we can be doing something and without a warning say “look at that! Wow!” we are always taking in everything around us that when something pops out, we have no filter or pathway that says “stop, wait, is this the right time or place to mention it?” and sometimes we don’t have to say anything but most of the time we just get too excited about it! The only time I see this as alarming is when I’m in the car with my dad whose driving and he says “look at that cloud it looks like a tiger!” while he is meant to be watching the road.

  1. We are highly sensitive

Most of us feel things deeply and passionately. We feel what others are feeling and are sensitive to energy and personalities around us. We need a creative outlet to unload it all and express it.

  1. We make use of our pain

I have used my pain and trauma to create. The setbacks, the pain and obstacles I have had to face have given me an insight which has lead to inspiration and that is one thing that we creatives use. Pain and trauma no longer control us but we use it to create something positive.

  1. We NEED space/time to create

The desire to create is an obsession and a need. We need it for our spirit and our mind and helps our emotional state. I know that if it’s been too long since I’ve created, I find myself getting frustrated easily, fidgety and just yuk to be around.

I Used To Want ‘Normal’

I Used To Want ‘Normal’

When you’re a teenager, what people have or don’t have, say, think and do matter way too much. I used to let it get to me and stupidly found myself wanting normal. I wanted normal days, no drama, no craziness, a normal family (yeah right), a normal body and mind. I was a very imaginative kid, I would rather sit and observe others than get involved all the time. I was seen as odd, quiet, weird, ‘the girl that stares’. I never meant to weird people out. I just always loved people watching, I loved getting lost in my own make-believe world and daydreaming. I loved changing the scene around me to something magical and strange. It didn’t help that I ran funny (thank you knocked knees).

I used to spend my days at schools thinking that everyone else had a normal life except me. The few friends I had all had their baggage and craziness. I remember mum saying ‘can you make normal friends’ She didn’t mean it as a bad thing, my mother grew up in an abusive home and always had to live in flight or fight mode so she desired normal and the ‘Brady Bunch’ type family. She wanted my brother and I to have normal friends and as less drama as we could have. It was hard to do when our family was and still is, a crazy dysfunctional bunch.

Later on, we both realized that what we were wanting was non existent. No one had normal, we just had LIVES. Our life was living with our mental illnesses, our mad house, our love for the unique and the unseen. Our life was the artistic life, the music life, the being-raised-by-a-single-mum life. My life was experiencing the pain, the love, the vulnerability and the beauty of being a 5 years old, a 10 year old and then a teenager.

Everyone is just trying to play this life game, crossing their fingers to roll a double and grab a win. No one has normality, we all choose which masks to wear that day that suits whatever we will be doing so we keep the game going as it “should be”

Normal is just an idea floating around our galaxy and it takes many forms. It’s what we desire when our life becomes topsy-turvy and it’s what we show the world when we need to be seen as a functional human being.

Anyway, this is my take on ‘The Normal’.

I hope you enjoyed reading and feel free to share your thoughts on what you think normal is or if you ever wanted ‘a normal life’

I wish you the most abnormal day!

Amy

Ajoy Living

xx

The Normal

Using Creativitiy To Come On Top Of Negativity

Using Creativitiy To Come On Top Of Negativity

Today I want to write about how to use creativity to get on top of negativity. This is something that my mother has fostered and nurtured in me since I can remember. I’ve always been a sensitive soul, someone that always feels emotions deeply whether it’s my own or someone else’s and at times it can be stifling and heavy. When I was little and my mother saw me falling into that black hole, she always told me to go draw, paint, get moving, or write it out and creativity always got me out of that funk… I came out feeling lighter and calmer in my mind. (Note, if these moods and negative thinking persist over long periods of time, then seeking help from health care professionals may be necessary) Over the years, I’ve found some ways of using creativity to battle the negative nellies and anxiety that I struggle with and I would like to share that with you.

Automatic Drawing, AKA Doodling

Not judging your art is key. Don’t worry about where it comes from, the aesthetic of it or the subject matter. It’s not meant to be a masterpiece, it’s more than that – it’s your soul, your emotions, and energy. It is authentically YOU and that is beautiful! Pick up a pencil, pen, crayon of whatever your choice of medium is and start doodling. Let your hand flow, don’t question it or rub it out just trust your hand and your mind’s eye and let it flow. I always find this a great way to get out of that negative space and put it on paper.

Dance

We don’t have to be professional dancers to feel the music and move 😊 Put on whatever you like and let your body respond. Sometimes I play some Black Sabbath loud in my backyard and swirl and headbang to their energy, and other times it’s Disney classics in the loungeroom with my little man and we bust out some moves together. It is known that exercise gives you the happy vibes aka endorphins and dancing is a great creative way to use that and let you get that tension out. Music is such a powerful tool in affecting our state of mind – so make sure you use it wisely 😊

Colour in and get crafty

Colour in, cut out shapes, stick on things, sew – all these things help me battle out the negative nellies because, with this, it’s not about using that negativity but rather focusing on the present and quietening that part of your mind. We are never too old to do arts and crafts and when you are doing anything like that, you are using different tools, mediums and skills and that helps you stay in the present. This requires critical thinking and using both parts of your brain and that is a powerful tool. When I sit down with all my bits and pieces or sewing, I don’t have room in my mind to focus on those negative thoughts and it gives me space to just be and make something beautiful. Amy 1 – Negative Nellies 0

Paint It Out

Splatter paint, throw it, smear it, spray it, drip it – I’ve used all these techniques to help me get rid of negative thinking and negative emotions that if I did not utilize, could turn into something destructive. You don’t have to go as far as Gestural Abstraction or ‘action painting’ and produce a Jackson Pollack lookalike, it can be figurative, it can be whatever you want it to be. When you attempt to visually represent your negative emotions and thinking, it can be confronting, scary or messy. I mean some of my work that I’ve done in that headspace is just dark and kinda freaks me out but when it’s out of my head and onto canvas or a wall, you can look at it and confront it. For me, it’s empowering because I feel in control of it. I see you, I see what you do to me and you don’t have power over me anymore. It becomes a therapeutic and reflective experience for me. There’s something about getting it out that calms the chatter in my mind.

Automatic Writing

Write something unstructured and uncensored. Don’t judge your words or who or what it relates to, just write what comes to your mind’s eye and let it flow. Express your emotions and your thoughts through words. When I have done that, it’s started off dark, angry or sad and then it transforms into reflective and questioning which I didn’t expect at the time, but it was a way for me to work through whatever it was that was keeping me down.

There are endless ways we use creativity to get on top of our negativity. There’s music therapy, art therapy, drama, dance, even cooking and gardening. You don’t have to be an artist to utilize creativity to make sure your negative thoughts and emotions don’t become destructive.

What creative things do you do to get on top of that negativity?

Have a beautiful day!

Amy x