“Stay In Your Head – You’re Dead”

“Stay In Your Head – You’re Dead”

Hey Beautifuls!
Lately, my partner and I have been watching a lot of Tony Robbins. You may have heard of him, he’s a life coach, business/relationship expert and all round awesome guy with a lot of knowledge to share.

Yesterday, I was watching some clips on YouTube and one thing (of many) that stood out for me was this message: Stay in your head – your dead – now I know he doesn’t mean this literally but there is some truth to this.

Staying in our head is like a room for our fears and insecurities to put on plays for us. They make up scripts, stories and scenarios for us to watch and feast on and it can detach us from reality around us and create more anxiety and more fears of things that don’t exist. Even more so, it can focus in and highlight the negative parts of our partners or people that are close to us and completely wipe out the positives. We all have a dark side and a light side, and staying in your head at a time when you are vulnerable and going through conflicts/problems can highlight only the dark side in the person or people you are conflicting with and that puts you in a position of attack and react – rather then openness and willingness to understand.

Staying in your head means you aren’t present. You may be in the company of your partner, work colleagues or friends but you really aren’t there; you’re there with a cloud over your mind. You may be watching replays of past experiences that were painful or shameful and I tend to believe that the more we let our mind replay them, over time the replay can change and shifts from what the reality actually was (for some experiences). When we stay in our head watching replays, it affects our present in how we behave, feel and see things.

It can sometimes distort our perceptions of people we love because we assign a replay of our past to their existence even when they weren’t part it.

Staying in your head can stop you from growing and changing. Right now as you are,  you have strength, confidence and love to bring to yourself and others. You CAN GROW. You CAN CHANGE. What can stop us in our tracks is staying in our head. When we do this and don’t come up for air, we give permission for our fears, doubts, insecurities and pain to rewrite the bad stories, replay the scene over and over and when we come back to reality, we don’t believe in ourselves anymore. We say things like “I can’t do this, look at what I did! I’m a loser” “There’s not point, I tried quitting before and fucked up, I’m just not that person” “She/He’s too good for me, they can’t know my past” There starts to be a whole lot of no’s and cant’s which can stop you from giving love, receiving love and accepting the beautiful moments that appear. It stop you from bettering yourself because your head tells you, you can’t.

You can quit bad habits, you can achieve happiness and that person adores you – you deserve that love and he/she deserves love from you.

So this is my little rant on what I thought of when I heard that “stay in your head – your dead” quote.

Of course there is a need for reflection and analysis of yourself, situations and people to determine what is right for you, but don’t get comfortable in your head and allow the fear, pain and shame to be put on replay.

Stay present, stay mindful and stay open to love, challenges and to your relationships.

Please leave a comment if this speaks to you or if you have a perspective on this or an idea 🙂 I’d love to hear from you.

Wishing you guys the most sweetest Sunday ❤

Amy xx

The Olive Tree

A Random Confusing Ramble

A Random Confusing Ramble

No matter how much we plan, hope or anticipate; life has a way of throwing a few curve balls and we just gotta go with it and be our best selves in the mix. This is easier said than done. I’ve had a hectic 2 weeks, it’s one of those times where you feel like you’ve just gone through years of storms when really it’s been 14 days. It’s one of those weeks where you just hold your head high, stay strong and go through the motions of each minute rather than each day. Sometimes we just have to take it moment by moment and that’s ok. My son was in hospital 1 week, then the next week my partner was too and that’s just a small piece of the cake… I won’t go into details because that’s not important right now.. right now I just need to write my randomness.

I know that this has affected my mental state, I’ve been wanting to write and draw but in even the slightest moment of time out – all I want to do is stay under the covers and watch Netflix.

But alas, I’m here, writing.

Th question is, what do I write about?

I guess I’ll start by what I’m thinking about. Right now, I have a whole day to myself and a gift card that was given to me by my aunty. I am in 2 minds about what to do, do I stay home, write, draw and be productive? or do I go out and get a haircut that I’ve been wanting to do for so long?

As a mum and partner/wife, we always put our kids first, what they need and what our partners need. When it comes to treating myself, I stop, I hesitate. Why the hell do I do this? I know I deserve it, I know I’m valued and I know it’s not a bad thing. So why do I sit at my desk thinking about if I should put it off or not?

It’s been a long time since I did anything like that for myself…  and I’m not talking about buying art supplies or a takeaway coffee. I mean sitting down and getting some TLC and beautifying. Lord knows I could use it haha.

I keep looking at the time. As someone with anxiety, time is important to me and I have a tendency of looking at time as if it’s running out instead of seeing how much time I have available. “It’s only 9:24 am and the day is just beginning”, most people would say.

I say OMG IT’S 9:25 NOW! I need to decide now and leave now before I run out of time, I’m not going to have time to do anything but if I leave like right now I will. 

I think I need to do 1 step at a time. Get dressed, find shoes, leave and go do my hair. It’s hard, but sometimes we need to give ourselves a kick up the butt and say GO AND DO THE NICE THING FOR YOU, THE WORLD WON’T BE IN CHAOS IF YOU DO AND YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT.

Wow, when I don’t have a topic in mind to write about, this comes out.. it actually feels good. Sometimes we have to get the stuff out of our head and onto paper, even if it makes no sense or even if it’s messy.

Jeez Louise, OK. I’m off.

Thank you for reading my completely weird, random, detached ramble. I do apologise if it was painful to read or confusing

Amy

xx

Check Your Self-Talk

Check Your Self-Talk

To live a more positive and loving life, we need to check in with ourselves; our mind, body and spirit. We need to reconnect, become aware of ourselves and make sure that we are giving ourselves the right things and treating ourselves the right way.

What I want to write about today is about checking in with ourselves and stopping that negative self-talk that can pop up from time to time. We all have those voices in our head that keep us up at night or create anxiety about events that haven’t even happened yet. It can make us feel down, doubtful and angry.

I’m not an expert in this field, but I do have tools that I have used in the past to help me keep a more peaceful self-talk and battle that negative mind chatter that comes with having anxiety.

Here are my tips:

  1. VISUALIZE IT

If you’re a very visual person like I am, this might help you. I picture my negative self-talk scrawled on a piece of paper. When I see it I scrunch it up into a ball and throw in a tiny bin in the corner. It may sound silly but it helps. It will help you see that the negative talk is something that is insignificant and not needed and that you are stronger than it and are in control of it.

  1. ASK YOURSELF, WOULD YOU SAY THAT TO YOUR BEST FRIEND?

We are our best friends cheerleaders, we love them, support them and encourage them. When it comes to our own stuff, our self-talk can do the opposite. Things like “I’m an idiot, I always mess up” “I can’t do that” or “OMG I can’t do anything right” start to fly through the landscape of our mind like a blimp. Why do we do that to ourselves when we are the complete opposite for the people that we love? When you start seeing that in yourself, stop and ask yourself, is this something I would say to my best friend? A simple question can stop that flow of negative talk and give you a chance to regroup and rethink.

  1. THE RUBBERBAND

My psychologist recommended this to me each time I noticed that negative self-talk come in. I would pull the band and let it snap my wrist as a way if snapping me back to the present and keeping me from being consumed by my negative mind chatter. You don’t have to use this if you don’t want to, obviously. But having something around that will help you get out of that pit and back to the present can be helpful.

  1. ACKNOWLEDGE IT, AND TALK TO IT

This may sound crazy but hear me out. One thing that can help is seeing that it’s there and talking to it like it’s another person. This person needs to be calmed down and needs to be told to go away and that it’s not needed. This person isn’t a part of you, it isn’t who you are. Become the kind inner voice that you need and let it drown out the negative.

  1. IMPERFECTIONS ARE A PART OF US

We need to stop holding ourselves to impossibly high standards. Perfectionism can be soul crushing, it can feel so heavy on our shoulders that even when we are progressing and improving, we can’t even see it because we are looking for that perfection. If you make a mistake, remind yourself that it’s a part of life and now you have gained more knowledge from having made that mistake. It’s okay to be imperfect and to make a mistake. Go easy on yourself and embrace your imperfections.

I hope you all have a wonderful Sunday and thank you for reading <3. If you enjoyed reading this and feel it speaks to you then please give it a like and share it around. If you have any tips you would like to share then please do so in the comments.

Amy

Xxx