A Random Confusing Ramble

A Random Confusing Ramble

No matter how much we plan, hope or anticipate; life has a way of throwing a few curve balls and we just gotta go with it and be our best selves in the mix. This is easier said than done. I’ve had a hectic 2 weeks, it’s one of those times where you feel like you’ve just gone through years of storms when really it’s been 14 days. It’s one of those weeks where you just hold your head high, stay strong and go through the motions of each minute rather than each day. Sometimes we just have to take it moment by moment and that’s ok. My son was in hospital 1 week, then the next week my partner was too and that’s just a small piece of the cake… I won’t go into details because that’s not important right now.. right now I just need to write my randomness.

I know that this has affected my mental state, I’ve been wanting to write and draw but in even the slightest moment of time out – all I want to do is stay under the covers and watch Netflix.

But alas, I’m here, writing.

Th question is, what do I write about?

I guess I’ll start by what I’m thinking about. Right now, I have a whole day to myself and a gift card that was given to me by my aunty. I am in 2 minds about what to do, do I stay home, write, draw and be productive? or do I go out and get a haircut that I’ve been wanting to do for so long?

As a mum and partner/wife, we always put our kids first, what they need and what our partners need. When it comes to treating myself, I stop, I hesitate. Why the hell do I do this? I know I deserve it, I know I’m valued and I know it’s not a bad thing. So why do I sit at my desk thinking about if I should put it off or not?

It’s been a long time since I did anything like that for myself…  and I’m not talking about buying art supplies or a takeaway coffee. I mean sitting down and getting some TLC and beautifying. Lord knows I could use it haha.

I keep looking at the time. As someone with anxiety, time is important to me and I have a tendency of looking at time as if it’s running out instead of seeing how much time I have available. “It’s only 9:24 am and the day is just beginning”, most people would say.

I say OMG IT’S 9:25 NOW! I need to decide now and leave now before I run out of time, I’m not going to have time to do anything but if I leave like right now I will. 

I think I need to do 1 step at a time. Get dressed, find shoes, leave and go do my hair. It’s hard, but sometimes we need to give ourselves a kick up the butt and say GO AND DO THE NICE THING FOR YOU, THE WORLD WON’T BE IN CHAOS IF YOU DO AND YOU FUCKING DESERVE IT.

Wow, when I don’t have a topic in mind to write about, this comes out.. it actually feels good. Sometimes we have to get the stuff out of our head and onto paper, even if it makes no sense or even if it’s messy.

Jeez Louise, OK. I’m off.

Thank you for reading my completely weird, random, detached ramble. I do apologise if it was painful to read or confusing

Amy

xx

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