“Stay In Your Head – You’re Dead”

“Stay In Your Head – You’re Dead”

Hey Beautifuls!
Lately, my partner and I have been watching a lot of Tony Robbins. You may have heard of him, he’s a life coach, business/relationship expert and all round awesome guy with a lot of knowledge to share.

Yesterday, I was watching some clips on YouTube and one thing (of many) that stood out for me was this message: Stay in your head – your dead – now I know he doesn’t mean this literally but there is some truth to this.

Staying in our head is like a room for our fears and insecurities to put on plays for us. They make up scripts, stories and scenarios for us to watch and feast on and it can detach us from reality around us and create more anxiety and more fears of things that don’t exist. Even more so, it can focus in and highlight the negative parts of our partners or people that are close to us and completely wipe out the positives. We all have a dark side and a light side, and staying in your head at a time when you are vulnerable and going through conflicts/problems can highlight only the dark side in the person or people you are conflicting with and that puts you in a position of attack and react – rather then openness and willingness to understand.

Staying in your head means you aren’t present. You may be in the company of your partner, work colleagues or friends but you really aren’t there; you’re there with a cloud over your mind. You may be watching replays of past experiences that were painful or shameful and I tend to believe that the more we let our mind replay them, over time the replay can change and shifts from what the reality actually was (for some experiences). When we stay in our head watching replays, it affects our present in how we behave, feel and see things.

It can sometimes distort our perceptions of people we love because we assign a replay of our past to their existence even when they weren’t part it.

Staying in your head can stop you from growing and changing. Right now as you are,  you have strength, confidence and love to bring to yourself and others. You CAN GROW. You CAN CHANGE. What can stop us in our tracks is staying in our head. When we do this and don’t come up for air, we give permission for our fears, doubts, insecurities and pain to rewrite the bad stories, replay the scene over and over and when we come back to reality, we don’t believe in ourselves anymore. We say things like “I can’t do this, look at what I did! I’m a loser” “There’s not point, I tried quitting before and fucked up, I’m just not that person” “She/He’s too good for me, they can’t know my past” There starts to be a whole lot of no’s and cant’s which can stop you from giving love, receiving love and accepting the beautiful moments that appear. It stop you from bettering yourself because your head tells you, you can’t.

You can quit bad habits, you can achieve happiness and that person adores you – you deserve that love and he/she deserves love from you.

So this is my little rant on what I thought of when I heard that “stay in your head – your dead” quote.

Of course there is a need for reflection and analysis of yourself, situations and people to determine what is right for you, but don’t get comfortable in your head and allow the fear, pain and shame to be put on replay.

Stay present, stay mindful and stay open to love, challenges and to your relationships.

Please leave a comment if this speaks to you or if you have a perspective on this or an idea 🙂 I’d love to hear from you.

Wishing you guys the most sweetest Sunday ❤

Amy xx

The Olive Tree

I Used To Want ‘Normal’

I Used To Want ‘Normal’

When you’re a teenager, what people have or don’t have, say, think and do matter way too much. I used to let it get to me and stupidly found myself wanting normal. I wanted normal days, no drama, no craziness, a normal family (yeah right), a normal body and mind. I was a very imaginative kid, I would rather sit and observe others than get involved all the time. I was seen as odd, quiet, weird, ‘the girl that stares’. I never meant to weird people out. I just always loved people watching, I loved getting lost in my own make-believe world and daydreaming. I loved changing the scene around me to something magical and strange. It didn’t help that I ran funny (thank you knocked knees).

I used to spend my days at schools thinking that everyone else had a normal life except me. The few friends I had all had their baggage and craziness. I remember mum saying ‘can you make normal friends’ She didn’t mean it as a bad thing, my mother grew up in an abusive home and always had to live in flight or fight mode so she desired normal and the ‘Brady Bunch’ type family. She wanted my brother and I to have normal friends and as less drama as we could have. It was hard to do when our family was and still is, a crazy dysfunctional bunch.

Later on, we both realized that what we were wanting was non existent. No one had normal, we just had LIVES. Our life was living with our mental illnesses, our mad house, our love for the unique and the unseen. Our life was the artistic life, the music life, the being-raised-by-a-single-mum life. My life was experiencing the pain, the love, the vulnerability and the beauty of being a 5 years old, a 10 year old and then a teenager.

Everyone is just trying to play this life game, crossing their fingers to roll a double and grab a win. No one has normality, we all choose which masks to wear that day that suits whatever we will be doing so we keep the game going as it “should be”

Normal is just an idea floating around our galaxy and it takes many forms. It’s what we desire when our life becomes topsy-turvy and it’s what we show the world when we need to be seen as a functional human being.

Anyway, this is my take on ‘The Normal’.

I hope you enjoyed reading and feel free to share your thoughts on what you think normal is or if you ever wanted ‘a normal life’

I wish you the most abnormal day!


Ajoy Living


The Normal